My life was in a pretty decent routine before foster care entered into it. It was very predictable. Before baby and countless doctor visits, family visits, and team meetings life revolved around my home, my schedule, and my family. My house for the most part used to stay picked up and on occasion dusted, mopped, and vacuumed. I haven’t mopped in 3 months. I walk past exploded clean laundry baskets all day long vowing to put it all away after the kids go to sleep only to fall asleep before I get the chance. Going on 5 hours of sleep a night and the emotional toil of the foster care roller coaster has taken more out of me than I expected. I thank God weekly for chicken nuggets and hot dogs. Some days it’s all about survival. This is my new normal and at times I struggle against feeling overwhelmed and defeated.
Before I was rarely stressed about homeschooling. We always got our stuff done. I had lots of time to invest in reading scripture and other edifying books. I could write and journal before 9:00 in the evening and before exhaustion set in. My schedule use to be wide open and I could invest in and love on people so much easier. I get lots of baby snuggles now which is one of my most favorite things but this season has brought along with a lot more isolation than I care for. Now everything is so much harder. I use to feel confident that I could do this…All of it! Now that I’m living it and in danger of severe burn out, I realize more than ever how I can’t do this alone.
I’m learning that I can and should say no. Being too busy to rest in Jesus is not walking in obedience. It’s taking all the weight on your own shoulders. We’re not meant to carry that much weight. As I walk this current path, I realize God has brought me to a place where I’ve had to recognize that I can’t do it all and that’s okay. He’s brought me to the apocalyptic laundry piles, crazy schedules, and sleepless nights. He’s lovingly reminded me that I need to refocus on Him. I need to spend more time in His presence, no excuses.
Pouring ourselves out in love for others is what we are called to do (especially as moms) but if we aren’t being refilled, we can find ourselves feeling emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. We need to start our days with Jesus. We need to pour scripture over our hearts and lives. It took me these 3 months to realize that God wants me to do more than just survive this crazy life I’m living. He wants me to thrive! Thriving doesn’t equal gourmet dinners or full underwear drawers. Thriving is being in His presence. Thriving is being full of His joy and His peace even if your life feels less than peaceful. I don’t have to live my days feeling defeated. My victory is not dependent on how well I parent or how many worksheets we get done for school. Walking with Jesus through these challenges is the ultimate victory, because it is then that His name is glorified and our lives reflect who He is, what He’s done, and what He’s doing. 💖