It was a beautiful morning. There was a cool breeze and the sunshine felt so warm on my skin. I inhaled deeply and decided that the girls and I could use some fresh air. A leisurely stroll would do us good and just maybe peanut would take herself a little nap! As myself and the littles were making our way down the road, a divine appointment was about to happen. A dear stranger with a very deep hurt crossed our path and as our friendly hellos turned into an unexpected honest and raw discussion, I marveled at her brave heart for speaking about her pain and I marveled at an amazing God for giving me this opportunity to listen.
Why does God choose me to be a part of these things? I feel so unqualified. I don’t have answers and I don’t always know what to say except that I’m broken too. But it seems that ever since I decided to follow God’s lead, He always brings me to hard places. Hard, beautiful places. It’s these humble stories, the broken homes and the broken choices that perfectly compliments a perfect savior. A savior who is in the business of redeeming broken and dark and turning our shattered hearts into hearts vulnerable and soft and yet fortified with fiery steel.
I’m learning that having a soft heart is not having a weak heart. I don’t need to know the perfect words to say. I just need to listen and when given the chance speak God into our conversations. I don’t need to know the next steps or have every thing planned out. I’m coming to know that Jesus is the one who qualifies us. He qualifies and gives us the Holy Spirit to give us discernment and guidance as we walk into the unknown and difficult.
As we arrived back home, our caseworker stopped by and we chatted about little lovie and the challenges of foster care. I found myself being vulnerable and sharing my heart with this woman who up until a month ago I’d never met. I talked to her about what God’s doing in my heart and how dear this little one and her mama has become to me. I shared how thankful I was to be doing this, but how unprepared I felt to be walking through all of this brokenness. And then it occurred it to me, I’m more prepared than most because of who I’m doing this for. This is Jesus work. Redeeming work. This is God’s heart and I was suddenly overcome with gratitude and humbleness. It’s amazing that God uses broken people like me. What a privilege.
And then I thought back on our morning walk and the sweet reminder that Christ had given me. How He whispered in my heart to, “Be brave and honest and bring Me into the hard and I will be faithful and use you.” And for the second time in one day He did just that. Amazing.